fiel's first birthday

It’s rare these days that you meet a couple having kids in row. Most of them, would have one and take time on another one.

Around the time my sister learned she’s carrying her second child, she got used on answering she’s not getting any younger. Months later, there was Sofielle Helene G. Reńosa.

A year later, friends and relatives gathered in Max’s restaurant to celebrate her first birthday. Well, a kid's party around dinner time. I no longer have the task to cover the event. His father, kuya Rowell was then, up and coming (may ganung description) photographer. My task was to pick my son, elmo from and later bring him back to Angeles City.

There are few things I remembered about it:

  that, (hate to mention brands but) Jollibee and Mc Do were under construction at that time so fiel mom 'n  dad settled with Max's.

  that, fiel's cousins were very participative in constests - elmo even had few seconds in pahabaan game,  kuya gelo was very game, kuya JV showed off his dancing prowess.

  that, most of the young guests could not get enough of the crown-hat-party favor that they still wore it days after the birthday party.   

Looking back, we would always remember it along with sad and unfortunate events. For once, she deserved a happy celebration. This first Birthday and being together as family (even for one last time) are enough reasons to look back with happy thoughts.

Happy birthday Sofielle Helene G. Reńosa!

on Mommy's Birthday

We're not the type who would sit and have photo ops.
This is one photo to capture our moms bday.
 My kuya works in Algiers, he scheduled his vacation  in time for that special day.

Actual cases of the people you know. You’re not really into science. You’re into these old beliefs.

These are the bases that most of the time, the date people die is somewhat close to the date they were born.

It is my written rule not to write about how my mother died. Well, she lost the battle with breast cancer almost 11 years ago. Today, July 18 is her birthday which is few days away from the date we lost her (August 4).

For years now, we would celebrate her birthdays together with snack or dinner. We visit her to the memorial park. Back when she was around, I can’t remember any memorable gift I gave her. I’m sure I have, I just can’t remember. Celebrations were mostly in her office. There were surprises given to her – and there were as gross as Miss Gay participated by her employees. She had her 60^th birthday celebration which is quite bongga. On her last, we somehow had a clue that it will be her last. It was celebrated at home with our closest relative.

Today, we’re all together this whole day. My brother is here for vacation which he intentionally saved the date. I have been on official business for days, which I finished the task early to have this as free day. I’m not sure about my sister, she’s sick but had she not been, I think she’ll still be home for today. As for daddy, this is the first time he’s not with us on this day. If not, kinukulit na niya kami.. “oh maaga pa lang nasa memorial na ako, anu oras kyo pupunta? Anung pagkain natin?”

I grew up imbibing superstitions and old beliefs. I’m not into science courtesy of how dad thinks. By the way his date of death is very distant from his birthday – November and March. Still, I have concrete stand on few things. That these things will always be relevant to us, no matter how many years have gone by. Much more, these days will always be good excuses to be sad and be sentimental.

It’s just that I live with few regrets. Mas madali na akong pakatanhin in public ngayon. It is not as hard when we were young and had to be pushed to perform on my mother’s birthday celebrations.   

Goodbye.. ('Pag Father's day lang nagpopost?)

I hate to start this way but as they say, maunawaan mo lang ang magulang mo, kapag magulang ka na rin.

It was all saints’ day 2010 when my wife and I were approached by a Christian volunteer who’s offering prayer. It was the time when after nine years of struggling for a stable job, I was able covet a good position in my current work. I have a very lovable son and steady married life. This volunteer asked what do we want to pray for.  Contended as I was with my life then, I just said there’s nothing to ask for at that moment.  Not at about a second before she started the prayer,  I thought of one – for God to give good health to Daddy.

I was 22 when mom died, so I technically spent my adult life having dad on my side (alongside ate and kuya). He got stroked when I was six so, by then, I didn’t expect that he would last this long, an extension of 26 years.

We had rough times - and when I say rough times, it was equivalent to a very looonnggg time. I had to be masungit to him because I don’t have money to give when he asks. I only have enough for our food and subsistence. Luck was not our side. Luck was not on my side despite hard work. I had to be user friendly to make both ends meet.

When I got married, I did not think of him as lesser priority because he’s the one who needed more help and of me. Nonetheless, I moved out and left the house. Not for long, I tried and started to finance for the renovation of own old room to become our (my wife and elmo’s) transition house. i know he's the most excited of the idea that I will -soon, be back. That was January 2011. He was my unpaid engineer-cum-foreman. He even sold two old air conditioning unit to finance the panambak for a portion of the lawn.

I did came back, for other reason. We had seven months of weekdays together.

Fast forward November 1, 2011. I could not even find time to visit on the memorial park. I had to settle in a small space called waiting area of the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit (ICU). He was in ICU. Days later, I was in front of friends and relatives saying thank you at the end ofhis funeral mass. The speech was straight. Walang intention to glorify who he was and how he was as a person. I only said thank you sa mga nakasama kong i-survive si daddy throughout the years - kasi hindi madali.

As to this day, I stand by this premise that he was not the best father. More than anything, I understood why. And, I appreciate how he tried - though failed.

Despite one mantra in life that I have, not to be like daddy, I always end up looking and being like him. It was in small things like mahilig makipagkuwentuhan sa kahit sinung makatabi, mahilig magpahula at mapagpaniwala sa pamahiin. Like him, there were periods in my life that I continuously sought for better option sa job or became persons who never moved on with past accomplishments. Syempre, we look alike, kahit mas high profile siya nung bata siya. Ang lamang ko naman, I for once had semi-real/semi-imaginary-abs while he was categorically obese in his prime years. 

I know that he knows that I loved him all through out. I hope he felt it all along and more especially at those times I hugged him tuwing iiwan ko siya para umuwi sa mag-ina ko. I also hope he understood how treated him (oftentimes badly). I may despise his unbelievable transactions but at the back of my mind - i was hoping. Desperate thought ko nga, had he succeeded, ako ang nasa lugar ni Joet. Si Daddy, Kuya and ako ang 3G.

Akala ko dati exaggerated lang iyung films, or declamation piece or even pag pumupunta ka ng patay, which says bakit ngayon pa namatay kung kelan may pera na or kung kelan naka-graduate ang anak. Hindi pa naman ako mayaman. Life is better – at least para hindi na ako super sungit. There will always guilt tuwing masaya, na nashare mo sana ung happiness. Napakain ko sana siya sa Fortune. Nakita niya sana iyung bahay sa Angeles. Nadala ko  sana siya sa Boracay at Disneyland.

Ganun talaga ang buhay. Hindi binibigay lahat.

We had our last conversation at the wake of a relative. I dropped him off there and I was headed to travel to Angeles. I asked him kung di ba masama na magba-biyahe ako na dumaan ako sa patay. The last words i heard from him was "wala nang pamahiin pamahiin.."

This day is for us. Missing you is an understatement. I used to say that I can’t imagine life without daddy. If I did, it was very bad imagination. Today, I have to live this life despite that bad reality.

***

For elmo.. paglaki mo batiin mo na ako ah at regalo. Bibigyan kita ng pera.

Ngayon, kiss lang ok na. Para marami akong baon pagtanda ko.