I hate to start this way but as
they say, maunawaan mo lang ang magulang mo, kapag magulang ka na rin.
It was all saints’ day 2010 when
my wife and I were approached by a Christian volunteer who’s offering prayer.
It was the time when after nine years of struggling for a stable job, I was
able covet a good position in my current work. I have a very lovable son and
steady married life. This volunteer asked what do we want to pray for. Contended as I was with my life then, I just
said there’s nothing to ask for at that moment.
Not at about a second before she started the prayer, I thought of one – for God to give good
health to Daddy.
I was 22 when mom died, so I
technically spent my adult life having dad on my side (alongside ate and kuya). He got stroked when I was six so, by then, I didn’t
expect that he would last this long, an extension of 26 years.
We had rough times - and when I
say rough times, it was equivalent to a very looonnggg time. I had to be masungit
to him because I don’t have money to give when he asks. I only have enough for
our food and subsistence. Luck was not our side. Luck was not on my side
despite hard work. I had to be user friendly to make both ends meet.
When I got married, I did not
think of him as lesser priority because he’s the one who needed more help
and of me. Nonetheless, I moved out and left the house. Not for long, I tried and started
to finance for the renovation of own old room to become our (my wife and
elmo’s) transition house. i know he's the most excited of the idea that I will -soon, be back. That was January 2011. He was my unpaid
engineer-cum-foreman. He even sold two old air conditioning unit to finance the panambak for a portion of the lawn.
I did came back, for other reason. We had seven
months of weekdays together.
Fast forward November 1, 2011. I
could not even find time to visit on the memorial park. I had to settle in a
small space called waiting area of the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit (ICU). He
was in ICU. Days later, I was in front of friends and relatives saying thank
you at the end ofhis funeral mass. The speech was straight. Walang intention to
glorify who he was and how he was as a person. I only said thank you sa mga
nakasama kong i-survive si daddy throughout the years - kasi hindi madali.
As to this day, I stand by this
premise that he was not the best father. More than anything, I understood why. And,
I appreciate how he tried - though failed.
Despite one mantra in life that I
have, not to be like daddy, I always end up looking and being like him. It was
in small things like mahilig makipagkuwentuhan sa kahit sinung makatabi, mahilig magpahula at mapagpaniwala sa pamahiin. Like him, there were periods in my life that I continuously sought for better option sa job or became persons who never moved on with
past accomplishments. Syempre, we look alike, kahit mas high profile siya nung
bata siya. Ang lamang ko naman, I for once had semi-real/semi-imaginary-abs while he was categorically obese in his prime years.
I know that he knows that I loved
him all through out. I hope he felt it all along and more especially at those times I hugged him tuwing
iiwan ko siya para umuwi sa mag-ina ko. I also hope he understood how treated him (oftentimes badly). I may despise his unbelievable transactions but at the back of my mind - i was hoping. Desperate thought ko nga, had he succeeded, ako
ang nasa lugar ni Joet. Si Daddy, Kuya and ako ang 3G.
Akala ko dati exaggerated lang
iyung films, or declamation piece or even pag pumupunta ka ng patay, which says
bakit ngayon pa namatay kung kelan may pera na or kung kelan naka-graduate ang
anak. Hindi pa naman ako mayaman. Life is better – at least para hindi na ako
super sungit. There will always guilt tuwing masaya, na nashare mo sana ung
happiness. Napakain ko sana siya sa Fortune. Nakita niya sana iyung bahay sa
Angeles. Nadala ko sana siya sa Boracay at Disneyland.
Ganun talaga ang buhay. Hindi
binibigay lahat.
We had our last conversation at the wake of a relative. I dropped him off there and I was headed to travel to Angeles. I asked him kung di ba masama na magba-biyahe ako na dumaan ako sa patay. The last words i heard from him was "wala nang pamahiin pamahiin.."
This day is for us. Missing you is an
understatement. I used to say that I can’t imagine life without daddy. If I
did, it was very bad imagination. Today, I have to live this life despite that
bad reality.
For elmo.. paglaki mo batiin mo
na ako ah at regalo. Bibigyan kita ng pera.
Ngayon, kiss lang ok na. Para
marami akong baon pagtanda ko.
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